every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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