I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think my moral compass just broke
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
