She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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