Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
