In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
