omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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