There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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