Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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