So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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