oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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