omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
