somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
