Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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