What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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