i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
