Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
