Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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