we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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