oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
