i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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