That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
