I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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