Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
