she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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