I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I am naked and annoyed.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
