Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
