I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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