How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize