I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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