bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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