I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
