we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
