She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
