I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
