I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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