Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
