Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
