Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
