I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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