I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize