Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
