everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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