She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
