Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You took a bar mat shot.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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