Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
