He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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