I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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