hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
