You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
