You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
