I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Randomize
