I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
