I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize