She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
