We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
