I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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