hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Randomize
