so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
ok first of all what the fuck
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
