One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
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you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
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I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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