i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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