How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i think my cat just said my name.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
