i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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