I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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