i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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