can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
