Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
