It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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