How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just want to make out with him forever
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
