It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
