i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
