i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
