hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
