How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
