He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
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I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
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You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize