Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
