Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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