You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
