I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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